When Hope Loses Us

by LH05

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01:30
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07:08

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released December 27, 2014

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Track Name: farewell
I am deeper than ever I was,but I’m free from all weight and empty inside.Only my memories haunt me,pictures,voices,and everything,that I left.I died when I closed the gate behind myself.
The place where I lived so many years...and now everything comes to the end.All bridges burned,you pulled away your hands from me.I still feel the taste of your last cold kiss,and I see your sorrowful look on me.
On the road where I’m walking now I remember my family,my friends,my home,and my life.My good deeds,my lies,and the way how I get here now.Here,where my life will taken by my own hand and will. I am dead,and I will say goodbye from this world.I just ask so much please keep me alive in your soul,’cos If you forget me I will really die.
Never search the reasons,never try to understand my act,just take the fact I won’t wake up anymore.The days will go on without me,but I can be there with you.I’m sorry for every tears and lonely nights,every loud words and empty promises.Everything’s broken now,and the splinters cut me apart.You my say I’m coward,but I don’t care.I couldn’t choose my birth,but I can make my end.
Track Name: swamp of sorrow
"The life I had means nothing to me.
I will take the long road to the places I've already seen in my dreams.
There is no way I'll stop, and I am traveling fast.
I can see clearly now that my wishes come true."

I march straight to my death
Well known path I follow.
Slowly sinking, I am
Suffocating alone
Drowning in the swamp
Of the endless sorrow
I am lost in the depth
That I'd like to know

And this marsh embraces me
Like a mother her newborn baby...

The anguish - like a rope
Around my neck... It's choking
My brain is soaked in mud
Thoughts become unclear visions

I don't want to turn back
No more pills to swallow.
Now's the time to vanish
No more days to borrow
Because of my choices
I descend into my hollow
In this watery grave
I will lay on mire pillow

And this marsh embraces me
Like a mother, her newborn baby

Something pulls me
I am sinking
But I am peaceful
I give in to my decay...
Track Name: black bird
I need to find a dark corner.
Separation clears my mind.
I let the tranquillity
To get slowly under my skin.
Then it's like I'm possessed
The tension rips my skin open
I have never felt this stressed
The ray of light is blurred now.

The words echo thousandfold
Magnified by dementia
I hide behind this fury
It doesn't lead to relief.

The weight of decisions locks me
In the cage of circumstances.

It feels as if this blackness
In my chest sets me free
But... instead of devouring all
It yields to a voice joining with me.

Instead of shredding my hide,
It encases me with embrace.
With a loud cry it unfurls
Newly sprouted gossamer wings

That which I've struggled hard to
Contain becomes one with me.
With the virtues and vices
Leaving me as a better me.

There is nothing left to say
There's no act that wouldn't hurt.
It's all I want. Nothing more.
I am one with my emotions.

I am floating Weightlessly.
I am flying, we are flying.

It feels as if this blackness
In my chest sets me free
But... instead of devouring all
It yields to a voice joining with me.

Everthing's all right again
Fear is gone. Freedom prevails.
It's all I want. Nothing more.
I am one with my emotions.

It feels as if this blackness
In my chest sets me free
But... instead of devouring all
It yields to a voice joining with me.
Track Name: don't be afraid
I could do it but I won't,
I have made big plans.
It's just a game, a pathetic one,
Although it seems bold, it isn't.

Sometimes I'm scared that
The owerwhelming joy defeats me.
What happens if the horrors
I'm filled with break loose?

What if on a silent night
I would burn your house down?
It would kill you and your loved ones.
You would all die together.

But first, I would take a closer look
At your room, and I'd sit there for hours.
I'd memorize where your bed is.
I'd say goodbye to the walls.

Then, I'd walk around in the house,
Cause I'm courious what would you do
When the fire would spread and
The flames would corner you.

You will burn. Even if you
Would find your way out,
Screaming, running like hell,
Eventually, you'd turn to ashes.

I stand still, watching
The smoke on the wall,
It dresses your house in
Black veil of mourning.

As the collapsing ruins
Of your house trap you.
The misery that tortured me
Becomes yours now.

It should be so. But nothing's going to happen.
The hell that awaits you wouldn't satisfy me.
Like the remains of your house,
I'm burned out and empty.

I never loved you at all.
You aren't worth playing with.
Sleep, drink, eat, do whatever you want
And even if you understand - don't be afraid.
Track Name: waltz of death
It's been many years
Since I released her.
Back then, the pleasure
of the night found us
laying in the bed of lust.

Winter is here, I follow his way,
I take my coat, I need a lead.
This feeling keeps me here,
She shares her drink with me,
The touch of death carresses me.

As I'm floating above the tracks
I'm dancing the waltz of death.
I'm taking the first steps.
The "god songs" in my head
Turn all bright colors to black.

Looking back; faded years, distance.
The familiar voice, the beckoning eyes.
The memory of that night
Wakes up my feelings again.

Divided - we followed different paths.
Seperated - but the joy we didn't forget.
Now we're retrieving together
Shattered fragments of memories.

Darkness turns to light again
Mrs. Death takes away my pain.
She calls me forth from the shadows
And I'm feeling no remorse.

Few hours - just passing by
Severance - but I don't ask why.
Devotion - for moments only
She wanted me to hold her tightly.

The night is over, the morning's here.
Taste Of Malady in my cofee.
Her fragrance on my body -
It becomes a part of me.

I am free. My heart is beating again.
She brought me back from the other side.
Track Name: clarity
Wild shadows are chasing my dreams,
In the haste of restless creatures.
I crossed the fields of oblivion,
I left everything behind.

In the hope of forgiveness,
I am giving up my past self.
On my journey towards cleansing,
I am craving for a change.

Clouds appear, it's like I've been here before.
But it's different now.
I hear the sound inside and outside the raindrops are falling...

Now, the wind is changing and the scream of thunder echoes in my mind...

I let the rain fall on me and it washes my sins away.

I feel the power of clarity
In the storm of my cosciuosness.
I withstand the wind of temptation.
That's the price of being.

Would it dress me in lifelessness
If I'd just stand there waiting?
In the shower of life's failures
Is that the choice I'm making?
Without colors it's all gray
And the night turns to day.
Alone-I'm killing time,
Darkness is passing by.

Behind a silky curtain
My fate is not so certain.
My mind is an empty shell
I've got no thoughts to share.
Still, it goes on again - tempest of lifeless sounds
Easy to hide, easy to leave - Will I be lost again?
Track Name: home thought safe
"I am a tired soul,
I want to hide from the noise of the world.
I can rest in her body. Her skin will be my silky blanket.
She guards me, as womb protects the baby.
I trust her."

Many kind words mesmerize me,
Calling me into camouflaged safety.
Concrete cradle's bringing my dream,
And she keeps me from what I fear.

I'm a stranger she will save me
From everything I'm scared of,
Because she is my safe thought home
And she never, never lies.

Inside this cave the calm rules me,
I cannot hear the outside world.
Through her window I can see
How free others can be.

This is my home; I feel safe here
When the firm walls embrace my trembling body.
This is my shelter, but it feels strange
As caring hands keep holding me.

I am living inside her body
One day she will digest me.
She will exploit my needs
For the sake that she could live on.

Hope is lost.
There is no escape.
I chose this sanctuary
To worship my loneliness.

Alone, broken, thrown away,
I listen to her singing:

"Go away dead,
You could see my inner world.
I got what I wanted.
You were depending on me.
Therefore you have no place here anymore."
Track Name: last chance
All the time I was waiting for something
That can be reached by self-destruction
Demons pushed me through and I keep falling
This is my way to the deconstruction.
Step by step I am collecting pieces.
Moments are waking my basic instinct.
Wherever I go I'm chased by faces
Exposing myself - that's what I'm risking

Maybe I'll break all these chains
I turn my back, nothing remains.
Isolation is my best friend,
With my teardrops I will ascend.

The scars are showing me the past was real.
Whatever hurts you and pierces your skin
It can be aching but it will be healed.
Suffering reveals the darkness within.
Wounded and tortured my rage is endless
The pain is clearing my disordered life.
Confusion leads to meaningless violence
Everything is peaceful before the strife.

These hands don't build-Just wreck around me
Violent; selfish; My eyes are lifeless.
I hear false words, my touch is not real
Regret and hate reveal my true self

When the hope loses me
I have to keep on living.

Tearing apart social standards
Unfolds signs of disfiguration.
Open views and don't be angered
By the chance of contemplation!

If there was a chance, I would live my own life.
I wouldn't care about all their feelings, but only mine.
I would fight for my own reasons,
I would chase my own dreams,
I would follow my own path,
And I would do everything I can...

I... have... failed..

But.. If there was hope I would change my whole life to find a way back to my home and start over.

I would take a walk with my wife on the boulevard,Playing with my son all day long and forget about how everything went wrong Just see how he grows Just.. Love them, just the way they are.
Until the day I'm finally gone...

But I feel like...
...There's no way to go back in time...
I have failed my entire life... I have no clue how to go on...
All my shots are wasted somehow...
My future holds no solution...
I haven't got a reason to live

The memories keep ruining my life I can't escape from my own mind, There's no chance left for me to live I need to exit.. All this time I did my best The time has come for me to rest
I...have...lost...all...my...faith...
...If there was a chance I would live my own life
Leave out all the sorrow and all their lies..